I felt like a woman, I felt loved, I felt him and I felt comfortable with everything that was happening.
I see this and say: “There are places I remember….”
This may not be me, may not be the place or show the time of the day in question, but it reminds me of that day. My kids, my family, my friends, my writing, they all bring me joy from time to time, but that particular day I felt a joy like no other. That experience was related to me, the woman inside me, to Montsse and that is priceless. There have been other times but this one; I don’t know, it feels different. I shared that day with a really cute guy. I thought that he was going to belong on that list, the black one, be one of the guys that have stood me up, but no. He arrived late, but he arrived. He sat down, started talking and slowly he made his first move and kiss me. A sweet kiss. I felt him near, I felt loved and cared and he was listening. It is not normal for a guy to do that. He wanted to go to the beach, but I didn’t and he accepted as much as possible until he kind of beg. Because I can’t swim and the waves are really big I let him go, I saw him from the distant. It was like looking at a kid enjoy for the first time the pleasures of the beach. I loved that about him. He returned to me, I was sitting on the beach. He kind of kneel, looked at me and kissed me and then he went back into the ocean. Later he had enough and returned to me. He was not at all upset that I was wearing his shirt and his cap I really think, he might have liked that. This time around he was the one talking and chatting and I was listening. Little by little I felt the touch of his skin, his lips, his smell. Lots of little details that belong only to me like our picture together. I do not know if I will see him again before he leaves town and after that I am not sure I will see him again, but I have decided to have faith. Besides the way that he was with me from beginning to end, makes me believe that he also won’t be able to forget May 11th. 2017
May 16 2017
We start as something, but changes happen, we never know for sure where do they lead.
Not so long ago I felt bad. Someone stood me up. I returned home from my no date. I search through facebook to erase the bad taste that I was feeling and I found him. I found this guy that I have started to like named Jorge Eduardo. (Mexican singer, handsome, beautiful voice, perfect smize as Tyra Banks says and a way to make you feel that is indescribable) That day I decided to say Hello and write some stuff like he made my day, that he made a grey day turned into blue. He didn’t understand what I was saying. He got confuse; so I explained it again, but this time around in shape of a short story and he liked that and because of that, that small conversation between two strangers I got to meet Jose and with him started a different conversation. This one became into collaboration, into I want to continue texting you, I want to share with you as much as possible,I want to get lost in our conversation and then for some reason I felt something towards the guy. Later on because I let out the truth; it kind of calm down because after all there is this thing call age difference and this other thing call ex-girlfriend and this other thing call that weare trying to work together. Then, still there was melody between us, but change happened again. It seemed to turn south, but then a conversation happen and for some reason I felt free to tell him all and that all was not him. I do not what would happen next. My whatsapp is ringing and perhaps is him or may be the guy from the chapter above, who knows, I am writing to you guys and this moment is important. Writing is important. It is my life, my oxigen, it is me, but I do confess that temptation is knocking and I would like to know who it is. See you next for the next chapter.
May 17 2017
What is wrong with people? Why me? Why do I keep believing and hurting myself in the process?
I am a writer and as one I feel like writing and most of the times I have the need of it like oxygen or like blood or something who knows. As a writer I let out my thoughts and they are mine. They may be wrong or right, but mine. You may agree or not, but I am in my right to have them, right? Like you have the right to your own opinion. Thank God it is not in every chapter of our lives, but sometimes we face the fact that people do not accept the fact that everybody is different. Differences of opinion, just imagine if all of us were made the same way, how boring?
The other day I thought I had finally found my best male friend because I felt free talking to him and didn’t hide anything. I was talking to him like if I was talking to myself and I liked it. In the following morning I shared with him a quote that said: “Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.” by Mary Tyler Moore.
I shared it because I found certain truth in the quote because what I can read between the lines is that we shouldn’t be afraid to follow our dreams or embrace something new meaning; take a chance. Nowadays world is sorrounded by bad news, sorrounded by people doing bad things to others. After seeing and hearing all of that; one could think: “Quit believing in people, do not trust them.” But no, take a chance because on the other hand, people can still surprise you.
Another fact that I can read between the lines is that you must not be afraid of making mistakes. You should try to avoid making them of course, but if for some reason you do; accept it, face it, learn from it, have fun. The last part is more complicated because I do not think you should wish to fail in order to know what it’s to be brave. I think what she was trying to say is that failure is part of life, but you cannot start something with the thought of failing or else you would. Start as a winner with all the faith that you would succed but if you do fail; learn and do not give up; plan B is on the way.
I wonder now, perhaps I should have explained myself. I guess I’m the kind of person that most of the times does not take quotes literally. My mistake was to believe that he will get it the same way, but he didn’t and got mad at me and started insulting me calling me egocentric, narcissist, a Trump follower (my speech just equally as his, he said) and while he was saying all of this, at the same time he was kicking me out of the group on slack app and with that he took away from me the opportunity to take back all of my writing ideas. I feel sad about all of this, but life is also about sadness. You cannot control people’s reactions, but you do control how to react to them. This is not my first Rodeo, but it hurt more than the one before because this one was related to my passion, writing.
Once upon a time I was in his shoes. There was this girl that thought in a different way than I. I couldn’t agree with what she was doing to herself thinking this way; so I denied her my friendship. The only difference between me and the guy/guys above is that I didn’t insult her and here another difference: Besides from all of that, despite the fact that he hurt me I do consider he is a good guy, a great worker, a passionate man, someone that knows what he wants and goes for it. Someone that loves music. He and his coworkers and the guy that they represent in a certain way are talented people, but they are humans, just that. All the best.
May 18 2017
Sometimes it is hard to forget something that was so worth it. On the other hand it is time to move on, but now I get it.
This is still a chapter about the guys above. They believe in the power of NO. I thought it was kind of ridiculous, but in fact is not that much; the only crazy thing is be so closed mind to admit that people can think different and that the objective of the power of saying NO is that at the end we say YES. At least that’s what I can read between the lines on the article that I found. (Promise to share it with you in another time. At the moment is too hard to see it in here, but it is part of the chapters, the other side of the story). On the other hand let me just say that now I get there was no way to win my argument. Now, moving on. Life has to go on. My next chapter will be about strangers.
May 26 2017
In nowadays life it is hard to talk to people. Why is that? and is it all kind of people?